Let me tell you the story of us. To start, there’s you and there’s me. To finish, neither of us exist. Now, I can promise you here and now that this is not the ending that you would expect, but then again, maybe it is. Maybe everything happens for a reason, but I certainly cannot promise you that. They say that the scary thing about dating is that you’re either going to marry the person that you’re with or break up with them. I did not, at any point, know what would happen between us. I hardly knew that we were real. I still don’t. I do know that our inner demons found a safe haven in the depths of one another, anchored into the proverbial unknown, and I watched as our souls attracted and repelled like dysfunctionally pirouetting magnets. All the same, there was me and there was you and there was us.
To say the least, you and I grew up in separate worlds and our demons grew within ourselves. Your demon grew in the cavities of your heart, and it was through your heart that I found that cavities exist within brains too. My demon dwelled in the sunken, decayed parts of my brain. Maybe he’s still there. Maybe he’s the reason why parts of me withered and maybe that’s why I continue to wither. Our demons are Tui and La. They are push and pull. They became us and we became them. We became fluid, currents clashing and flowing, finding peace as we filled one another and found true purity. That, of course, was only until we approached the next fork in our path, or the next ledge that would steal everything that once held us up. All the same, our demons knew how to swim and our paths would always recombine. It seemed as if even Earth itself knew that we were to be together, evaporating us into the air and giving us back tear by tear, thus continuing our perpetual game, our perpetual tide of push and pull. There was me and there was you and there was us.
Now, my demon, it has taken from me all of my past, my memories and any sense of distinction between reality, dream or induced nightmare. It had soldered itself to yours. It had given me honeyed images of intertwined fingers, the feeling of shared warmth between goosebumped skin in the coldest of nights and the sound of your breath as it rise and fell with mine. You took my breath away. My demon gave it back in each curse that escaped from my lips. Push and pull.Tui and La. There was you, and there was me and there was us.
Although I was sure that the cobwebs that coated my mind had tethered every gear, I suppose that erosion took hold of one tether. Funny, how each action towards another has a consequence yet, we never realize the ricochet that settles itself within ourselves. Ironically, those screws that were “loose” just weren’t loose enough. Those voices in our heads, the little devil on our shoulder, they’re called demons because they cannot create because by nature they can only destroy. My demon, to some extent, set me free.
I’m still upset about Borders closing
Real life Jiro Horikoshi and his Studio Ghibli alter ego